I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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