my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
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