I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
