after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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