Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize