If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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