what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
