census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize