So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
