I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
