Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
