i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
