my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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