Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
