That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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