His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
