What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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