WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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