Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Two words: nipple clamps
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