i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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