Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
