I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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