Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
