i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
