I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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