census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
