the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
