remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
