Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize