distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You need Xanax blowdarts
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
