sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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