I will die if light touches me.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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