ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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