I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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