9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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