i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
