The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
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