i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
