Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Your mouth is God's brothel.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
