just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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