You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize