y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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