My liver just broke up with me...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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