so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
