You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
