Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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