he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
