I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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