this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize