so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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