i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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