wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
