So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
