she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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