i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
