i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
