my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
