put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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