summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
