In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
