I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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