"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
