Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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