Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
