Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
