I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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