I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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