walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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