Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
