Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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