Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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