You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
