my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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