He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
