the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
