There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
