Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
