just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
