I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
