You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
