yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
