You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
