Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
