Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
