Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
