She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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